At first, I was morally opposed to babies in Juicy Couture - but COME ON NAH. The evidence speaks for itself.Thanks to Miss Kim over at Fashion Mama for reminding me to post some adorable!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
My little ray of sunshine
At first, I was morally opposed to babies in Juicy Couture - but COME ON NAH. The evidence speaks for itself.Thanks to Miss Kim over at Fashion Mama for reminding me to post some adorable!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Don't call it a comeback
Ok, first thing - I'm eating a Subway sandwich as I write this, and the tomatoes are actually good. WHAT IS HAPPENING. Anyway!
When last we met, it was August? Really? Did time really pass that quickly? In that span of time, I've been a bridesmaid twice, been to a boatload of weddings, got married myself, stage managed a play that opened the week after my wedding and didn't lose my mind, and survived Wayne's Great Halloween Spending Binge of 2010 without shedding any blood.
I honestly don't even know where to begin, so I suppose I'll write about what I learned from my wedding. There is really only one lesson:
1. Things will go wrong, and it's ok.
Our aisle music got totally screwed up, thanks to a batty Day Of Coordinator. There wasn't supposed to be any music for the groomsmen/parents walking down the aisle, just for my bridesmaids and me. Unfortunately, our DOC battered my cousin (our MC) into playing the two songs I picked for my bridesmaids and I for everyone else. So my bridesmaids ended up walking down to my song. And then we just started over and I also walked down to my song. I was really disappointed at first; the song that I picked meant so much to me, and I really wanted it to be special.
Also, I was already pissed at the DOC for FORGETTING MY BRIDESMAIDS AND I IN THE ROOM WHERE WE WERE GETTING READY. But! After the ceremony, everyone told me how much they enjoyed the music. I later found out that many of the guests had a fun sing-a-long, and you know what? That's awesome.
Ultimately, my wedding was about wearing a pretty dress, eatin' some cake, being with the people who mean the most to me, and having Wayne make an honest woman out of me. Honestly, it was the best day of my entire life, yes, even compared to Ruby being born, because guess what? I wasn't giving birth! Didn't have to! Ruby was already there!
For all of the stress and arguments and lost sleep, my favorite moment of the entire day was after the wedding, sitting in the hotel room with Wayne, eating sandwiches and drinking beer.
....
...and rocking out to "Bye Bye Bye" with some of my oldest friends.
I guess what I'm getting at here is to never lose sight of the purpose of the day. Look, you're probably going to get pissed when you're planning a wedding. Things aren't always going to go your way. You will probably also get pissed the day of your wedding, it's just going to happen. The important thing is that you get your ass down that aisle without punching anyone and get hitched to the person you love. And cake. That's important, too.
When last we met, it was August? Really? Did time really pass that quickly? In that span of time, I've been a bridesmaid twice, been to a boatload of weddings, got married myself, stage managed a play that opened the week after my wedding and didn't lose my mind, and survived Wayne's Great Halloween Spending Binge of 2010 without shedding any blood.
I honestly don't even know where to begin, so I suppose I'll write about what I learned from my wedding. There is really only one lesson:
1. Things will go wrong, and it's ok.
Our aisle music got totally screwed up, thanks to a batty Day Of Coordinator. There wasn't supposed to be any music for the groomsmen/parents walking down the aisle, just for my bridesmaids and me. Unfortunately, our DOC battered my cousin (our MC) into playing the two songs I picked for my bridesmaids and I for everyone else. So my bridesmaids ended up walking down to my song. And then we just started over and I also walked down to my song. I was really disappointed at first; the song that I picked meant so much to me, and I really wanted it to be special.
Also, I was already pissed at the DOC for FORGETTING MY BRIDESMAIDS AND I IN THE ROOM WHERE WE WERE GETTING READY. But! After the ceremony, everyone told me how much they enjoyed the music. I later found out that many of the guests had a fun sing-a-long, and you know what? That's awesome.
Ultimately, my wedding was about wearing a pretty dress, eatin' some cake, being with the people who mean the most to me, and having Wayne make an honest woman out of me. Honestly, it was the best day of my entire life, yes, even compared to Ruby being born, because guess what? I wasn't giving birth! Didn't have to! Ruby was already there!
For all of the stress and arguments and lost sleep, my favorite moment of the entire day was after the wedding, sitting in the hotel room with Wayne, eating sandwiches and drinking beer.
....
...and rocking out to "Bye Bye Bye" with some of my oldest friends.
I guess what I'm getting at here is to never lose sight of the purpose of the day. Look, you're probably going to get pissed when you're planning a wedding. Things aren't always going to go your way. You will probably also get pissed the day of your wedding, it's just going to happen. The important thing is that you get your ass down that aisle without punching anyone and get hitched to the person you love. And cake. That's important, too.
Friday, August 6, 2010
An Open Letter To The Wiggles
Dear the Wiggles,
Listen, I appreciate your ability to exploit the fact that you give parents 5 minutes of alone time just as much as anyone else, but seriously, YOU WERE SINGING ABOUT FRUIT SALAD THIS MORNING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. WHY IS THERE A PIRATE. WHAT IS THIS:
Listen, I appreciate your ability to exploit the fact that you give parents 5 minutes of alone time just as much as anyone else, but seriously, YOU WERE SINGING ABOUT FRUIT SALAD THIS MORNING. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU. WHY IS THERE A PIRATE. WHAT IS THIS:
WHAT ARE YOU.
Also, what the hell is a Wiggly Waffle? When I hear wiggly, I think of Jell-O, and a waffle made of Jell-O sounds both disappointing and impossible to achieve. You men have no dignity, I can see the void in your dead eyes as you sashay and sing about playing one's guitar with Murray (is that a euphemism? If so, that is INAPPROPRIATE. This is a show for children).
I won't lie, Wiggle Men, there is a sick, dark part of me that wants to attend one of your live shows. Not for the brain-killing music, no. I am convinced that you have groupies. Sad, lonely, stay-at-home moms who are driving their children to futures filled with extensive therapy, all so they can breathe the same air as The Hot Wiggle*. Can you tell me, Wiggle Men? Is there a secret, underground movement of mom groupies? Do worn, stretched-out nursing bras get thrown at you when gallivanting about stages from city to city? Let me in on this. I want to know.
But seriously, fruit salad? Stop that nonsense. I hate you.
(and envy you and your dirty Wiggle money)
With love and revulsion,
MNAM
*I don't actually know if there is such a thing.
Friday, July 23, 2010
To sleep, perchance, through the night
Q: What can I do to get my baby to sleep through the night?
A: Wait until (s)he is 14.
I mentioned a few posts ago that we're going through a bit of a rough patch with Miss Ruby. Lately, she's been going to sleep "for the night" around 7 or 8pm, then wakes up 3 hours later crying. We try to let her fuss herself back to sleep. She begins sobbing. We start to feel guilty, but still try to wait it out. She starts screaming. We finally give in and go in her room. She picks her head up and smiles at us.
Stinker.
Then, if we don't pick her up, she starts crying again. It's obvious that she's tired, she buries her face and rubs her eyes, but she just won't go back to sleep. Finally, we give in completely and give her a bottle. I know this is wrong. I know this creates bad habits. But when it's midnight and you have to be up in 5 hours, it's difficult to care. The sense of desperation is something I haven't felt since trying to fit in with the cool kids in middle school. Except that was kind of sad and pathetic. This is sheer survival mode.
Anyway. After the bottle, she normally is asleep, or is at least close. We put her down, and go to bed. She normally wakes up at least once after this and fusses, but not for long, and goes back to sleep on her own. Then she wakes up.
Between 4 and 5am.
Now, I'm sorry, this is one thing that I will not tolerate. Maybe we were spoiled or whatever, but Ruby used to sleep from about 7:30pm-6am. 4am is totally insane. Normally, she'll fuss for a while when she wakes up now, and then falls back asleep. She's getting good at the fakeout, too.
Waaaaaahhh hahahahahaaaaa waaaaahhhhwahhhhhaaaa
(pause)
....
(Wayne and I look at each other)
....
WAYNE: I guess she's asleep now.
(ominous music that we can't hear)
WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Finally, she'll fall asleep, but then I start to panic. "What if she hurt herself and that's why she's crying? What if she's unconcious? What if SOMETHING IS WRONG. But if I go in there, she might not even be asleep! Or I'll wake her up and it's 5am, and I can sleep for another hour, so I really should just stay here, but WHAT IF SOMETHING IS WRONG. AM I A BAD MOTHER FOR LETTING HER CRY, I SHOULD REALLY JUST GO TO SLEEP."
I suppose there isn't much of a point in encouraging her to sleep later if I'm just going to sit up like some neurotic junkie coming off a heroin binge.
Now that this has been going on for the better part of a week, I'm just glad that there is such a thing as Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee. And that they offer it to you in a large size.
A: Wait until (s)he is 14.
I mentioned a few posts ago that we're going through a bit of a rough patch with Miss Ruby. Lately, she's been going to sleep "for the night" around 7 or 8pm, then wakes up 3 hours later crying. We try to let her fuss herself back to sleep. She begins sobbing. We start to feel guilty, but still try to wait it out. She starts screaming. We finally give in and go in her room. She picks her head up and smiles at us.
Stinker.
Then, if we don't pick her up, she starts crying again. It's obvious that she's tired, she buries her face and rubs her eyes, but she just won't go back to sleep. Finally, we give in completely and give her a bottle. I know this is wrong. I know this creates bad habits. But when it's midnight and you have to be up in 5 hours, it's difficult to care. The sense of desperation is something I haven't felt since trying to fit in with the cool kids in middle school. Except that was kind of sad and pathetic. This is sheer survival mode.
Anyway. After the bottle, she normally is asleep, or is at least close. We put her down, and go to bed. She normally wakes up at least once after this and fusses, but not for long, and goes back to sleep on her own. Then she wakes up.
Between 4 and 5am.
Now, I'm sorry, this is one thing that I will not tolerate. Maybe we were spoiled or whatever, but Ruby used to sleep from about 7:30pm-6am. 4am is totally insane. Normally, she'll fuss for a while when she wakes up now, and then falls back asleep. She's getting good at the fakeout, too.
Waaaaaahhh hahahahahaaaaa waaaaahhhhwahhhhhaaaa
(pause)
....
(Wayne and I look at each other)
....
WAYNE: I guess she's asleep now.
(ominous music that we can't hear)
WAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Finally, she'll fall asleep, but then I start to panic. "What if she hurt herself and that's why she's crying? What if she's unconcious? What if SOMETHING IS WRONG. But if I go in there, she might not even be asleep! Or I'll wake her up and it's 5am, and I can sleep for another hour, so I really should just stay here, but WHAT IF SOMETHING IS WRONG. AM I A BAD MOTHER FOR LETTING HER CRY, I SHOULD REALLY JUST GO TO SLEEP."
I suppose there isn't much of a point in encouraging her to sleep later if I'm just going to sit up like some neurotic junkie coming off a heroin binge.
Now that this has been going on for the better part of a week, I'm just glad that there is such a thing as Dunkin' Donuts iced coffee. And that they offer it to you in a large size.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Plus Ones
I read an article a while ago lamenting wedding-planning couples who don't allow plus-ones outside of spouses. I wish I could find the link, but it appears to be buried under the entire internet.
Look, as someone who has been to a wedding solo before, I know how awkward it can be if you don't know any of the other guests. I took this into consideration when inviting folks, and the one person I know who won't be too familiar with anyone is allowed to bring a guest. Other than that, the guests are either married, or will know the vast majority of people there. If we are friends with both members of the couple, obviously, both are invited.
Here's the thing that people don't seem to understand: Weddings Are Really Expensive. The most expensive aspect of a wedding is, in fact, feeding the guests. The soon-to-be-wedded couple, or their parents, or whomever, are paying more than you would probably pay for a nice dinner out per person. Would you give anywhere between $50-$130 to a person you didn't know? If you said yes, is your name Bill Gates? If so, could you please give me ... .00001% of your net worth? Thanks.
The comments on the article absolutely infuriated me "If everything is so expensive, then why don't you just cut back somewhere else?" Do I even need to acknowledge this statement further? I didn't think so.
Besides the cost, there are also space concerns. Venues can only seat so many people, and you are expected to adhere to those guidelines.
To all the singles, spare the bride and groom the awkward phone call, and ask before you start scribbling names willy-nilly on your RSVP card. Maybe they'll even be nice and say it's ok!
Or maybe the Plus One Monster will come and eat your guest in the night.
UPDATE: Here is the article I was referring to! If you really want to go on a face-punching spree, read some of the comments. (Thanks, Bucky!)
Look, as someone who has been to a wedding solo before, I know how awkward it can be if you don't know any of the other guests. I took this into consideration when inviting folks, and the one person I know who won't be too familiar with anyone is allowed to bring a guest. Other than that, the guests are either married, or will know the vast majority of people there. If we are friends with both members of the couple, obviously, both are invited.
Here's the thing that people don't seem to understand: Weddings Are Really Expensive. The most expensive aspect of a wedding is, in fact, feeding the guests. The soon-to-be-wedded couple, or their parents, or whomever, are paying more than you would probably pay for a nice dinner out per person. Would you give anywhere between $50-$130 to a person you didn't know? If you said yes, is your name Bill Gates? If so, could you please give me ... .00001% of your net worth? Thanks.
The comments on the article absolutely infuriated me "If everything is so expensive, then why don't you just cut back somewhere else?" Do I even need to acknowledge this statement further? I didn't think so.
Besides the cost, there are also space concerns. Venues can only seat so many people, and you are expected to adhere to those guidelines.
To all the singles, spare the bride and groom the awkward phone call, and ask before you start scribbling names willy-nilly on your RSVP card. Maybe they'll even be nice and say it's ok!
Or maybe the Plus One Monster will come and eat your guest in the night.
UPDATE: Here is the article I was referring to! If you really want to go on a face-punching spree, read some of the comments. (Thanks, Bucky!)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
How did my baby inherit my sister's most annoying quality?
We're going through a bit of a rough spell with Ruby. She's still a silly, mostly happy girl, but she is starting to realize the things she should be doing that her body is incapable of so far (crawling, walking, eating turkey legs), which has led to the discovery of my least favorite thing:
WHINING.
Let me get this out in the open: I am not a whiner. I do find it easier to find humor in negative things, but I will not whine about them. Complain? You bet your ass. Whine? NEVER.
My sister is the queen of whining, and always has been. I should point out that she is a grown adult. I think she is brainwashing my baby.
We never want to give in to whining, but let's face it. If a co-worker in close proximity to your desk was playing "Your Love is a Drug" by Ke$ha over and over, and said they'd stop it for a dollar, and there were no suitable weapons nearby, I think you'd give them a dollar. What I'm saying here, is that my sister gets her way 87% of the time, and I believe she is passing this knowledge to Ruby in secret. Annoy until you get your way!
Ruby is also struggling with the limits of her physical abilities. Every night this week, we've been awakened by a screaming baby between the hours of 1 and 3am. Why? Because she is trying to crawl in her crib and IT ISN'T WORKING. There is no way to console her when it gets to this point, either. She will only accept offerings of Enfamil.
The main cause of whining is the fact that Ruby wants to stand more than just about anything. She can stand if we stand her up in her playpen, and put her hands on the side. She is happy and content and then her legs start to get tired, and she falls on her butt. Commence crying and whining. We put her back up, her legs won't hold out, she cries again. We distract her with a toy. She's happy for a few minutes, then begins whining again because she can't stand.
Baby bodies seem to act independently of baby brains, sort of like how a cat doesn't control the actions of their tail. Baby wants to sleep, but body says "You must crawl or else you are weak!" Baby doesn't want to crawl, yet finds they are crawling anyway. Baby bodies are sort of like abusive personal trainers.
We've been lucky so far in that these rough patches don't really last that long. Now that I've said that, Ruby will be whining well into her early 20's.
WHINING.
Let me get this out in the open: I am not a whiner. I do find it easier to find humor in negative things, but I will not whine about them. Complain? You bet your ass. Whine? NEVER.
My sister is the queen of whining, and always has been. I should point out that she is a grown adult. I think she is brainwashing my baby.
We never want to give in to whining, but let's face it. If a co-worker in close proximity to your desk was playing "Your Love is a Drug" by Ke$ha over and over, and said they'd stop it for a dollar, and there were no suitable weapons nearby, I think you'd give them a dollar. What I'm saying here, is that my sister gets her way 87% of the time, and I believe she is passing this knowledge to Ruby in secret. Annoy until you get your way!
Ruby is also struggling with the limits of her physical abilities. Every night this week, we've been awakened by a screaming baby between the hours of 1 and 3am. Why? Because she is trying to crawl in her crib and IT ISN'T WORKING. There is no way to console her when it gets to this point, either. She will only accept offerings of Enfamil.
The main cause of whining is the fact that Ruby wants to stand more than just about anything. She can stand if we stand her up in her playpen, and put her hands on the side. She is happy and content and then her legs start to get tired, and she falls on her butt. Commence crying and whining. We put her back up, her legs won't hold out, she cries again. We distract her with a toy. She's happy for a few minutes, then begins whining again because she can't stand.
Baby bodies seem to act independently of baby brains, sort of like how a cat doesn't control the actions of their tail. Baby wants to sleep, but body says "You must crawl or else you are weak!" Baby doesn't want to crawl, yet finds they are crawling anyway. Baby bodies are sort of like abusive personal trainers.
We've been lucky so far in that these rough patches don't really last that long. Now that I've said that, Ruby will be whining well into her early 20's.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Hell, a screenplay
COMPUTER: You've received a secure email! Please enter your password!
ME: OK! (enters password)
COMPUTER: That password is not correct. Please enter the correct password!
ME: Uh ... OK! (enters another potential password)
COMPUTER: That password is not correct. Please enter the correct password!
ME: (changes password)
COMPUTER: Please click here to confirm you changed your password!
ME: (click!)
COMPUTER: Your password has successfully been changed!
ME: YAY! (returns to email, enters password)
COMPUTER: That password is not correct. Please enter the correct password! (LOL :D)
ME: (grunts, enters password)
COMPUTER: You have exceeded the maximum log in attempts for this account. Please contact technical support.
ME: (explodes)
ME: OK! (enters password)
COMPUTER: That password is not correct. Please enter the correct password!
ME: Uh ... OK! (enters another potential password)
COMPUTER: That password is not correct. Please enter the correct password!
ME: (changes password)
COMPUTER: Please click here to confirm you changed your password!
ME: (click!)
COMPUTER: Your password has successfully been changed!
ME: YAY! (returns to email, enters password)
COMPUTER: That password is not correct. Please enter the correct password! (LOL :D)
ME: (grunts, enters password)
COMPUTER: You have exceeded the maximum log in attempts for this account. Please contact technical support.
ME: (explodes)
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