Thursday, April 15, 2010

WARNING: I use the word vagina in this post

Oh, I did it up there, too. Well!

Lately I've been seeing lots of brand spankin' new babies out and about. It makes me wistful for the time when Ruby actually slept during the day, and also makes me admire all of the moms bringing their new kiddos out so soon. Ruby was born in the midst of swine flu season, so I shut myself in my house with her for at least the first month of her life. It got so bad that my mom forced me to leave Ruby with her so I could get out of the house. I may or may not have used this opportunity to see New Moon with a friend.

Anyway, seeing all these new babies, I'm realizing just how gigantic Ruby was when she was born. At the time, 8lbs 8oz and 21 inches seemed big, but not anything terribly note-worthy (considering my friend's grandfather was 13lbs at birth). But now, I mean, I've just got to take a moment to pat myself on the back. I'm convinced that my vagina is made of kryptonite. I want to start a slow-clap (see: Lucas), building into a thunderous round of applause for myself. Go me, pushing out that huge girl! I'd like to see you try that, Miss New-M0m-With-Tiny-Baby. Let's see how you do when shit gets real.

One might think that this would inspire some surge of self-confidence. If I can do that, I can do anything! It really doesn't though. I have no desire to climb Mt. Everest, or compete in a marathon. I'm satisfied sitting on the couch and watching American Idol ... I mean. NOT watching American Idol. I have NO IDEA who Lee Dwyze is, so you can stop looking at me like that.

....


....Is it just me, or was Ryan Seacrest totally smashed on Tuesday night's episode?

2 comments:

  1. I bow down to your glorious vaj! Ha.

    Seriously, though - I gave birth to a preemie who weighed 5lb5oz and that was crazy, so I fully support the diamond tiara in your case!

    Also, yes, I think Seacrest was on drugs. It was awesome :-)

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  2. Hee hee. You are so right! When my friends tell me about their tiny little 5 to 7 pounders I think, really, that's all you got?! I did 8lbs 14 oz, twice!!! (and I can still walk..not without peeing myself, but I can still walk....) xoxox Nina

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