Who needs birth control?

You really shouldn't listen to people who tell you that pregnancy is fun. It isn't. Or at least, mine wasn't. I think I was being punished for all of the times I've taken the Lord's name in vain ... which I still continue to do, so lesson totally not learned.

I'm writing this for posterity's sake so if, in a year or so when Ruby is getting to be a big girl, I don't get all nostalgic and want a baby right then. So, without further ado, here are
THE THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS PREGNANT:

-Morning Sickness! That term is a lie - what I had was All The Time Sickness. I got a brutal stomach bug around 14 weeks, and then I really didn't get sick anymore, save for a few times when I took too long brushing my teeth.
-Cruel cravings! All I wanted for the first trimester was strawberry yogurt. But every time I ate it - I threw up! Yes, even at work! Moments of grace, I tell ya.
-Back pain! This started before I was even showing. I think something was pressing on a nerve, but nothing I did made the pain go away. When I finally went in for a prenatal massage, my back wasn't hurting that day. Because the world is unfair sometimes.
-Gingivitis! What else can I say?
-Spidey Senses! I could smell a cigarette from about half a block away. Also, my heightened sense of smell made me sick every time I ate grilled cheese. One time, I smelled a dog fart from the other side of a house. If you had stinky feet, I knew about it.
-Stretch marks! They itch!
-Crusty nose! This hasn't gone away yet. My nose is really dry on the inside all the time, and it's really pretty disgusting.

And finally, my feet and ankles. Just show this to your kids in lieu of giving them The Talk:

Buh-bam!

This isn't the greatest picture. I know it is hard to believe that I wouldn't allow people to document such an atrocity. Also, please don't think I dress like a granny because of the gown I'm wearing. I went as the Virgin Mary for Halloween, and this was taken during our office Halloween party.

Also, can I just say that my doctors were not concerned about my feet at all? Isn't that bothersome?

So, there you have it. MNAM's handy guide to pregnancy prevention and/or waiting just a little while longer. Or, you know. Forever.