But can you pour watery, blue liquid on it?

I made the decision to watch the finale of Lost last night (it really irritates me when people write the title as LOST, only truly awesome things should be written in all caps, like COOKIES and DINOSAURS) having only ever watched one episode - where the hobbit dies - and maybe reading a handful of recaps here and there.

Did you know that of Lost's two and a half hour time slot, 45 minutes of that time was commercials? I winced at the previews for the Gates - some bizarre Stepford Wives-esque vampire vehicle (we have reached the bottom of the vampire barrell, humanity), but what really caught my attention were the commercials for the iPad.

I think I saw the same commercial about 10 times, so not noticing it was sort of unavoidable. I hadn't really thought much about the iPad, past the obvious jokes - "HEY DOES IT COME WITH WINGS LOL," "WHAT WILL PEOPLE FROM BOSTON CALL THEIR IPODS LOLOLOL," but after the commercial was hammered into my brain a million times, I became totally dumbfounded.

We live in a gadgety society, sure, but it's causing us to carry around more crap than we possibly need. We have our phones, our iPods, our Kindles or Nooks, our laptops, our GPS ... things. This is not the sign of an intelligent society! Let's just take a look at Apple's more portable products:
-iPod: It plays music! You can download apps! You can use the internet and send email!
-iPhone: You can make phone calls! It plays music! You can download apps! You can use the internet and send email!
-iPad: You can make phone calls! It plays music! You can download apps! You can use the internet and send email! You can look like a big ol' idiot because portable phones weren't even that big in the 80's!

Apple is goddamned clever, I'm willing to admit it. They use the Mexican food principle - it's the same contents, just different wrapping. Yet so many must have the taco/burrito/enchilada combo. Why? I don't know. I'm still rocking my ancient iPod from 5 years ago - before they could even display graphics! Whoooa, what's my social security number, 17?

My question is the same question I had when it was revealed that Jack Shephard had a son, except not really - why? Why do we need all of this crap? Why would anyone haul around an iPad when you can have an iPhone which is smaller and does all of the same things? Does it work well as a food tray, or would I kill it if I spilled anything? Will it clean my litter boxes? It won't? Then I don't get it.



...Except for the Boston jokes. It served its purpose there.

Thoughts on toofers

Well hey, strangers! The past few weeks have been just crazy, and the next few are going to be just as packed. I don't think I've ever done so much laundry continuously in my entire life. So I apologize for the lack of updates!

Ruby is getting so big, it's crazy. I can't believe how quickly time is flying by. We have visual on two teeth! I'm excited, but I can't help but be a little sad over the fact that gummy toothless grins will be a thing of the past before I know it.

Teething is such a pain in the ass, isn't it? Ruby's been handling everything surprisingly well, no fevers or anything, but I think I could replenish the world's clean water supply with all of her drool if I found a way to filter it properly.


We get a fussy night every now and then (she's got two teeth neck and neck for double the annoyance), and it just confounds me. How long have humans been in existence? Our bodies still haven't evolved to the point where this isn't a painful process? Then again, I once had a fellow courting me in the early days of Myspace who looked closer to ape than man, so perhaps we haven't really come all that far.

The Animals

A thing people never tell you when you're expecting is how your relationship with your pets will change once your baby enters the world. Before I had Ruby, my two cats, Stella and Weebles, were the center of my universe. Sure, they were annoying. Sure, they tore up my carpets and got fur everywhere. But they were so cute and mooshy and cuddly, and while they didn't love me all that much, well, I kidded myself into thinking they did. I even hung stockings for them at Christmastime. I didn't put anything in them because, of course, cats only play with things that we humans consider garbage, but the thought was still there.

Then Ruby came, and they became two more mouths to feed. Two mouths that wouldn't reward me with smiles and coos, but rather with increasing demands for more food. Two mouths that force me to vacuum every day. Two mouths that have made me throw out more than one bottle after making it because I noticed a cat hair on the inside.

There have been nights where I have been awake at 4am, not because Ruby is awake, or because I'm sick, or because someone is breaking in, but because my cats are, literally, destroying my house.

Stella is my oldest cat. She started out as a tiny black kitten, and has turned into something that more closely resembles a miniature bison. She's a compulsive groomer and is missing patches of fur on her sides (one of which is a stunning representation of a phallus), she also has a gland problem and leaves little poo marks around the house from time to time. People are grossed out by her.

Stella is a bit of a dumbass when it comes to litterbox etiquette. Instead of covering her business like a normal cat would, she just scratches at the wall over and over and over again. She doesn't know when to stop because she is making no progress. Of course, this typically happens in the wee hours of the morning. I'm also assuming that she's actually going in the litterbox, which she typically doesn't. Stella is spiteful pooper, and will often go just outside of the litterbox - her version of a giant middle finger.

Weebles used to go in after Stella, and cover the messes for her - yes! Even the ones on the floor! Cleaning litter out of grout is not fun! But now it seems that Stella's ridiculous behavior pattern has infected Weebles as well.

I can only describe Weebles as a helliun. When we got home from the hospital after I had Ruby, we found out that Weebles had dug the carpet out from under the threshold of our bedroom, somehow released the baseboard with all of the tacks, and flung it across the living room. I am not sure how a 5lb cat would find the Herculean strength to do that, but I am now convinced that she could kill me if she wanted to.

Since then, the love for my cats has been limited at best. Sure, we still feed them (of course), and give them cuddles once Ruby has gone to bed. I'm not wishing any ill will on my pets, but my mom put it best when she paused for a moment and watched her 3 cats putz around the kitchen - "I'll be glad when ... there are no pets."